Schools should find room in the curriculum to talk about death and grief to help children cope with their feelings in a healthy way, psychologists and other experts have told broadcaster NOS.
Talking about loss could prevent children from becoming overwhelmed by feelings of sadness and avoid problems later on, the experts say.
Research shows over three-quarters of children under 16 have experienced the loss of someone in their family, or a friend. Children are also confronted with the death of other children, such as in the case of the Zeeland cycling accident or popular public figures such as children’s TV presenter Dieuwertje Blok.
Most schools have a protocol for dealing with mourning, according to a poll by children’s news programme Jeugdjournaal. However, in many cases it is out of date or not geared to the specific needs of the children. In addition, dealing with death is not part of the curriculum, nor do aspiring teachers learn how to handle it in college.
“It can be very lonely for a child to struggle with grief on their own,” professor Lonneke Lenferink told the broadcaster. If schools were to talk about it more, “the child would feel seen and heard,” she said.
Children process loss differently, with periods in which they seem less affected and others in which they are angry and sad, she said. “That makes it difficult to recognise mourning in children, giving teachers the impression they are over the loss when they are not,” she said.
According to the poll, several teachers were told not to discuss death and mourning in class, even after a death at the school.
“I was at a school where two children died just before the summer break and nothing was done with it. The school sought professional help later on because the children struggled with the fact that their schoolmates weren’t there after the holidays,” grief counsellor Richard Hattink told the broadcaster.
Schools are required to make room for emotions around death as part of the law on safety in schools, junior education minister Judith Tielen said. “Loss and grief are part of a child’s life and it is important schools know how to deal with that.”
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